EUROENGLISH
The European Commission has just announced an agreement that English will be the official language of the EU – rather than German (the other possibility).
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling has some room for improvement, and has accepted a 5-year phase-in of the new rules, which would apply to the language and reclassify it as EuroEnglish. The agreed plan is as follows:
In year 1, the soft ‘c’ would be replaced with ‘s’. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. Also, the hard ‘c’ will be replased with ‘k’. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan now have one less letter.
There will be growing public enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome ‘ph’ is replased by ‘f’. This will reduse ‘fotograf’ by 20%!
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of all double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling! Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent ‘e’s in the language is disgrasful and wil be glad to eliminat them.
By year four, people wil be reseptiv to lingwistik korektions, such as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’(thus saving more keyboard spas!).
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be droped from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
There will be growing public enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome ‘ph’ is replased by ‘f’. This will reduse ‘fotograf’ by 20%!
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of all double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling! Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent ‘e’s in the language is disgrasful and wil be glad to eliminat them.
By year four, people wil be reseptiv to lingwistik korektions, such as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’(thus saving more keyboard spas!).
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be droped from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibil riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis, and evriun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
ZE DREMVIL FINALI KUM TRU!!!
Ve vil hav konkerd ze verld!
And hobbystuff? No updates yet. Sorry, no time. Hope won't die, but, well, there is so much else that I must do and the rest of the family is more important than I am. And I try to repair the relationship with the missus (she broke up twice with very harsh words just in May). She needs me, that's why I stay. So, sorry. No happy updates for now, but hope is hard to kill. :-D
